MY CHRISTMAS RUINED....Almost

X Mas eve yesterday am I shot at a big racked buck 5 min after legal shooting light.A quick shot as the buck came in running and stopped in an opening where I had to thread the shot through some trees,etc.
75-80 yard shot w/ M/L,don't know if I hit him or not,waited 1/2 hr after the shot.No blood or hair.Don't believe my shot was deflected but is a possibility but I doubt it.I was on him and stayed w/ the shot but like I said it was a quick opportunity.Not sure of direction,couldn't see through the smoke cloud.Looked around for an hour,around the perimeter as not to push him,looked for blood/sign in case he crossed.

Called 6 friends to help but no availability due to the Holiday.Waited 6 hours then came back alone after lunch and looked for 4 hours to no avail.
I hunted so hard all year,and don't get alot of opportunities at mature bucks.I don't hunt areas that have 40-50 deer per square mile that I may get another opportunity tomorrow or next week.We hunt private land that unfortunately is plauged with trespassers.This was the biggest buck I've seen in a couple years and I passed many small bucks.

I'm really bummed out,depressed,and pissed off.I feel like locking myslf in my room for 3 days w/ my head buried in my pillow.But my wife is very supportive,she tries to understand how I feel and how much hunting means to me.

The time spent w/ her and my kids has helped me.Seeing the looks on their faces last night and today has really helped my realize what is really important.If it wasn't for them my Christmas would definately have been ruined!I'm not totally better but I'll get through it.I know alot of you hunters can relate...