It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Jake asks her, "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!"
Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."
Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant -- much less a deer. Not 10 minutes p [no swearing please] when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!"
Confused and frightened Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer now!" followed by another volley of gunfire!
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas cowboy, with his hands high in the air. The cowboy, obviously distraught, says, "Okay, lady! You can have your deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!"
Hunter is duck hunting on Lake Champlain (where I grew up) and is approached by a F&G officer. The hunter having been successful that morning had 3 nice ducks already bagged. The officer picked up the first duck, stuck his finger in the ducks rear and said "this is a New York duck, do you have a license to hunt New York ducks"? The hunter then produced his New York hunting license. The officer then picked up the second duck and stuck his finger in the ducks rear and said "this is a Vermont duck, do you have a license to hunt Vermont ducks"? The hunter then produced his Vermont hunting license. The officer then picked up the last duck and stuck his finger in the ducks rear and said "this is a Canadian duck, do you have a license to hunt Canadian ducks"? The hunter then produced his Canadian hunting license. The officer then said "With all of the licenses, where are you from"?
The hunter turned around and dropped his pants and said "You tell me"??