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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!

I've busted my [no swearing please] for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.

Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those [no swearing please] s from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?

And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!

Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat [no swearing please] and draw unemployment.

There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a unique gift for his wife. The store manager tells him he has just what he's looking for! A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas carols.


He brings the husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing. The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lighter.

The manager then clicks the lighter and holds it under Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night, Holy Night." The husband is very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches as the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now starts to sing "Jingle Bells, Jingle All the Way." The husband says Chet is perfect and that he'll take him.



The husband rushes home to his wife and insists upon giving her this wonderful gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain the parrot's special talent.

Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird sings "Silent Night." He then moves the lighter under the right foot and Chet lets loose a round of "Jingle Bells." The wife is absolutely impressed, and with a mischievous grin asks her husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs instead.

Curious the husband moves the lighter between the bird's legs, and the bird begins to sing:

"Chet's Nuts Roasting on an Open Fire!"
 

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Just got to clean up that first one and maybe replace PI$&%$ with POOPED or something.....
LMFAO :D [up]
 

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Good ole DBuck... What a great guy he was:D
 

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never liked that guy
Was he that union moke that was "living high and sucking dry" by parasitizing the hard working people in the cubicles on Wall St. who provide the capital needed to keep America and her economy strong? Where is he living now....I heard that he bought an island in the South Pacific but another guy told me that he's livin' in his own private Idaho....:D
 

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Good ole DBuck... What a great guy he was
He had his moments but quite often the guy was too thin skinned for my tastes.
As far as what ever happend to him I heard his real name was Jim (or sounded like it) after quiting his job in Trenton and going thru a nasty domestic battle he enterd semonary school.
If I wanted to find him I would be looking for a guy who hangs pictures of Jesus in odd places.
 
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